“

”

Jokes - page 5

Jokes: - [1] : [2] : [3] : [4] : [5] : [6] : [7] : [8] : [9] : [10] : Gary Neville Diary

Alex Ferguson is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and has reached the million pound question. Chris Tarrant says "Right Alex, this is for one million pounds, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time. Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a set? Is it: a) a badger b) a ferret c) a mole or d) a cuckoo?" Fergie ponders for a while and says "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure. I'll have to go 50-50." Chris says "Right, Alex, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with." "Badger" and "cuckoo" are the two remaining answers. Fergie has a long think, then scratches his head and says "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend." "So who are you going to call, Alex?" says Chris. "Hmmm..." ponders Fergie. "I think I'll call David Beckham." So Tarrant phones David Beckham. "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'. I've got Alex Ferguson here, and with your help he could win one million pounds. The next voice you hear will be Alex's". "Hello David" says Fergie. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a set? Is it a badger or a cuckoo?" "It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation. "You sure, son?" says Fergie. "Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger. Definitely." "Right, Chris," says Fergie, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger. Final answer." "Alex," says Chris, "that's the correct answer. You've won one million pounds!!" Cue wild celebrations. Next morning at training, Fergie calls Beckham across. "Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the f**k did you know that a badger lives in a set?" says Fergie. "Oh I didn't, boss," replies Beckham, "but everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock."

Venables - Ridsdale meeting Elland Rd Boardroom. Sunday 7/7/02. About tea-time. Peter Ridsdale : Ah......... Terrance...... do come in. Nice to meet you. El Tel : Wotcha mate. PR : Erm.... yes.... Hello. Please sit down. ET : Cushty. PR : Erm..... yes..... quite. Now then..... thanks for coming Terrance... the reason....... ET : Do you want a watch? PR : I beg your pardon? ET : Tags..... 100% kosher. Got two dozen in the back of the Merc. You can have one for a monkey. PR : Thank you, but no thanks Terrance. Now as I was saying...... ET : How about a whistle? PR : Erm.... a whistle? ET : Yeah..... I got eighteen flutes in the boot, Armani..... yours for a pony. PR : Again..... thanks..... but I asked you here today to offer you the manager's job. ET : Sweet. PR : Yes...... now that David's gone....... (under his breath) and Martin's told us to f#ck off......... we'd like you to take over first team affairs. ET : Well.... it's tempting.... the club is pukka but I'm earning more green than you can shake a jellied eel at working on the goggle box..... and Ally McCoist helps me crack one off under the desk every saturday night. PR : Well...... I'm sure we can work our way round that and Brian Kidd is more than obliging....... but think of the possibilities Terry...... look at the squad........ we've got Rio, Kewell, Viduka, Keane, Bowyer and Harte. ET : That is an impressive list. PR : Too right it's impressive..... can you imagine how much we'll get for them? ET : Do what? Are my cauliflowers working? You want me to sell 'em? PR : Course we f#cking do. We're up $h!t creek without a f#cking paddle.....why do you think you're here? ET : Well.... I'm sorry Mr Ridsdale but NO WAY. I'm not your hatchet man....I have ambition.... I want to win trophies! PR : I'll give you 3% of each deal. : How dare you?!?!?!?!..... That is a f#cking insult to my integrity! PR : OK..... 4% and I'll take three Armani's and four Tags. ET : Where do I sign?

Jokes: - [1] : [2] : [3] : [4] : [5] : [6] : [7] : [8] : [9] : [10] : Gary Neville Diary