Hairy Cruel has a stinker: the curse continues...
Wed 25th August, 2004 :: by Chris Hudson
Mr Self-Interest left the pitch tonight with Scouse boos and jeers ringing in his ears after a "stinker" of a performance against European nobodies Graz, who incredibly won 1-0 at Anfield! Kewell has played so badly since he abandoned Leeds Utd that he even had to apologise to the Liverpool fans for the lack of quality he displayed on the pitch last season. (Just as Rio did to the Scumsters). But as Leeds Utd found out his words and actions rarely match and tonight he was ineffective once again but this was a nadir even for Harry Cruel.
Even the famous Scouse humour appears to have run out at Anfield and surely it is only a matter of weeks before the Aussie git is shown the door by the new manager. Too often a luxury and rarely a match winner, unless he has a tantrum and goes off on a solo effort (e.g. Gillingham), Hairy Cruel hasn't endeared himself to the Red faithful by announcing that he is going to play for the Socceroos in every game, no matter how piddling the tournament. Don't ya just miss the arrogant little scrote?
Can't help but notice that the little Aussie drama queen is undergoing the same career curse that has struck so many of the O'Leary team since they left us, especially those that did so in dubious circumstances like the Aussie smeg-head.
Rio abandoned us for naked ambition and ended up apologising to the Scum fans for a less than average performance in his first season, and like Kewell immediately demonstrated the veracity of his apology by promptly doing the opposite - in his case the monumentally funny "forgetting to pee in a cup and missing the season and Euro 2004" episode.
Then there was Bowyer and Woodgate, a double-act without an IQ in double figures. Their court-case dragged the club that stood by them through the mire and they repaid it and the fans by bailing out at the first opportunity, in Boywer's case he even engineered it so that the club didn't receive a transfer fee. And how did the footballing Gods repay them? Well, Bowyer went to his boyhood heros West Ham and managed to get a first hand view of their relegation from the Premiership. But he didn't let sentiment get in the way of jumping ship immediately for a berth in the Sir Robbly Bobson NewLeeds United experiment. Once he had secured a lucrative berth in the Barcodes he promptly disappeared from the footballing radar for the season and had to buy a dictionary to look up the word "substitute". He went from setting the Champions League on fire to Mr Anonymous for the sake of settling a personal score with Peter Ridsdale.
Has Woodgate done any better? He was known as "Village" in the Leeds dressing room, short for "Village Idiot". Thankfully God blessed him with physical talent to make up for any other deficiencies. But what has happened since he left Leeds. Very little. He's signed for Real Madrid, who have surely bought him on reputation and old videos because they have had precious little chance to see him play since he parted company with Leeds. He missed a staggering 91 out of 128 Newcastle games during his brief tenure in the North East. Woodgate is a great player who never plays!
He's got financial security with a wage deal of £70K a week but when is he going to achieve anything on the pitch? When is he gonna play on the pitch? When is he going to establish an England career or play at a major international tournament? All top professional footballers are rich, it's just a question of degree, but so far Woodgate has achieved nothing in football. When he abandoned Leeds it was because Newcastle were going for the Premiership title and the lure of Champions League football. Well, he couldn't stay fit enough to help them win the League that year, and in sharp contrast to the Leeds run to the semi-finals fo the Champions League, Newcastle made a humiliating qualifying round exit.
The curse follows Village to this day and he'll probably spend most of his time on the treatment table next to Michael Owen seeing who can miss the most games through recurring injury!
Then there's Robbie Foul-Up who apparently IS the one who ate all the pies! He made an appalling miss in tonight's Man City defeat to Birmingham City and is likely to face a relegation season at City along with Danny Mills.
There are others but I think that's enough for now; suffice to say it gives a warm feeling of satisfaction to know that all the rats who jumped ship are still swimming in the storm-tossed seas and are likely to go under too.
To paraphrase: "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO LEAVE HERE!"
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