There was the rare sight of a mass change of underwear in
Darlington this week after Satan was spotted prowling the streets. Satan, or Peter Ridsdale as he was known in he previous earth-form met with Quakers chairman Stewart Davies for lunch at The Williamson Motors Stadium this week. This prompted speculation that he was there to eat the local children... er that he might be interested in taking over and ruining Darlo. Terrified fans burnt crosses in the street and several first-born were offered up in sacrifice.
Luckily for Darlo fans Satan was simply there at the invitation of Davies as apparently they are friends and it was a mere social occasion involving a sacrificial goat for lunch.
The presence of the "Evil-Entity-Formerly-Known-As-Ridsdale" is sparking fear and terror whenever he is seen in a town with a league football club.
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Great Beast 666
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Since he was 'cast-out' of
Barnsley the Horned-One has been looking for another lair and fans are terrified of being infected with the 'Leeds curse' which Satan is known to carry. His recent presence at Bloomfield Road prompted suggestions that Ridsdale was looking to invest in
Blackpool, though chairman Karl Oyston has since dismissed those links and performed an exorcism just to be sure. Apparently church attendances in Blackpool have tripled since his appearance in the town!
Even the God-fearing Welsh have received a visitation from the Evil One, when the Burghers of Wrexham woke up to find the Dark One amongst them. Luckily for them the finances of Wrexham FC was already in such a parlous state that Ridsdale felt he could do no more damage and moved on without spreading death and pestilence in the Valleys.
Such has been the reaction to Ridsdale's visits that it is rumoured that several local councils are considering placing Ridsdale under Anti-Social Banning Orders to prevent him coming near their clubs because of the economic damage it does to the local economy and because it causes the value of shares in their local league clubs to plummet.
There's a free Leeds Utd shirt on offer to anyone who can successfully get Ridsdale elected to the Board of Manchester United. We have faxed a copy of his CV to Malcolm Glazer; we admit we were a bit economical with the vérité re the Leeds United period but hopefully Malcolm will come under Satan's glad-handing spell.
So, when you are next at your ground, watching your team and you hear a tremendous flapping of wings, and a great shadow is cast over the pitch and the air is foul with the stench of decomposition - BEWARE! SATAN HAS CHOSEN YOUR CLUB TO "SAVE"!
Are we being a tad harsh on he bloke? Or should he be crucified on the goals in front of the Kop? Have your say on our Leeds fans' forum
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